Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Whither, Allie Brosh: Part 1

Fellow adventurers, the search continues. Not just for Old Man Berger, but for many random famous folks who deserve my constant nagging until they talk to me. JUST TALK TO ME! Of course, they're probably busy...being famous.

Moving on, Allie Brosh is incredible. If you haven't read Hyperbole and a Half, then you should seriously consider a lobotomy. Fair warning, there is some language (mostly English, but also some curse words). For the last several months she has disappeared like a pile of dead rats, here one day, gone the next.

Okay, so it's a bunch of these, but dead, also, gone. Just...poof, gone

Her last post was called "Adventures in Depression," so I began to get a sneaking suspicion (very sneaky) that she had falling into a deep bout of said depression and thus was recovering. 

Sneaking Suspicion STRIKES!!!

So I did what any decent human being would do and sent her the following email:
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Dear Allie (Allie Brosh, also, "Dear" is weird, but...whatever),

I am sure (so sure) that you have received hundreds of emails concerning your lack of posts in the past months. I get that you're burnt out on them (because apparently I know your life?). So I'll make this email much less tragic than those you may have received (or not, I don't know, I don't read your emails).

I am writing a blog for a creative nonfiction class. However, this blog is something that I want to keep developing beyond the seven week course, and so I am looking for things that really matter to me to write about. Allie, as though you don't get enough fan mail, I am going to tell you right now how much I love your blog. Are you ready? Okay.

THE FAN MAIL PORTION, OR, HOW MUCH I LOVE YOUR BLOG

Allie, how much do I love your blog? Soooooooooooooo much.

END OF FAN MAIL PORTION

Back to the point. I want to talk to you about your blog. So really, I want to talk to you about you. And I get that maybe now is not the ideal time for you. For some reason, you may not want to talk to a random stranger about youwith all of the stuff you're going through (because I know, I guess?).

But if you ever do, I sure would like to write that blog post.

And regardless, thanks for the inspiration (you are that inspiration...now this email got weird).

Sincerely,

Kendall Pack
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As you can see, a little weird, a little creepy, and really pathetic. These are the three requirements of a good email to a famous person. 

Fellow adventurers, I'll let you know what shakes out. Until then, I leave with with this terrifying song. Just watch Paul Stanley at the chorus. I dare you.





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