Thursday, June 28, 2012

The Most Pathetic Adventure, Yet, the Most Triumphant

The She-Beast

Stupid bunk-bed. Guys, it is impossible to describe adequately how much I hate this bunk-bed. To summarize my hatred: It requires assembly. I didn't sign up for this! It isn't even my bunk-bed. But today I had a five hour break between classes and thought that maybe I should get around to it. After all, the last line of my introductory post is, "I seek to build a bunk-bed." So really I should have done this a couple weeks back. But, adventurers, it's important to keep in mind that sometimes adventures get backlogged.

The real struggle of constructing the bunk-bed can be defined by three points:

1. I had to put it together by myself. I might as well just have consigned myself to failure.

2. I had no instructions. There were three different sizes of screws in the bag and NO PICTURES. I should have given up at this point.

3. Honestly, I chose the number three at random before I figured out a third point, so let's just say the third point is, uh...karma? Does that work? It works.

I went into this project, as you can see, with little hope of success. But adventurers tend don't need hope! Just that adventuring spirit and a lack of foresight. So I got out my Lance kit (Lance, I know you're probably a decent guy and I apologize for insulting your person, but you're still a tool), and got to work.

Guys, I have no idea what any of these things are

As it turns out, all I needed was a wrench. But it's never a waste of effort to bring in your Lance kit, fellow adventurers, because I walked a good twenty feet with it from my car to the door. Some babes probably saw me and thought, "That man would make a fine husband and a good provider." Because babes love a man who can wander around with a box, possibly full of tools (Lances). 

Moving on from babe-musing, I began to build the bunk-bed.

Trapped in a cage of my own making! 

 Righty-Tighty: The Mantra of the Adventurer

Somehow, fellow adventurers, I got the thing together enough that it was one solid structure that I could lift off the ground. So I braced myself, did some push-ups (two), ate a Twix (four, unless you count individual bars, then eight), and used my muscles (one, it's in my left calf) to lift the frame onto its feet.

I know, I am a pillar of adventureship, but keep in mind 
that this thing was like twenty pounds. I'll admit it.

After the beast was up, I put together the futon frame for the bottom bunk (A FUTON? I know, it's incredible. But I don't actually have a futon mattress, so...yeah). That was pretty much it, aside from mattresses. Now you all know how to build a bunk-bed, step by step! You're welcome.

 I know, it looks like the mouth of a dragon

Sleeping on a bed is way better than sleeping on a couch, probably (I think). But while sleeping is an important bedtime activity, what can an adventurer do in the daytime?

Sit in front of a window and yell at his neighbors, that's what

After almost two months of sleeping wherever I could find an even surface (in my house, where there are couches), I finally have a bed. Don't take it lightly! It took me a whole twenty minutes of construction. It was awful. 

The lesson here is: Somewhere in your home is an adventure waiting to happen! It may be one that bores other people and makes them think of you as lazy, but it's your adventure!

Also, this whole thing is an analogy about procrastination.


Be distracted by this song!

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