Tuesday, August 28, 2012

The Most Familial Adventure: Navigating a Family Campout: Boat Sport Spectating

What a strenuous day, fellow adventurer!

Camping. Freedom. America. These are all words that mean something. In other words (no pun intended, unless you found it funny, in which case, pun fully intended), these are all words that have definitions. We're on part two of our campout adventure, and, fellow adventurer, I'm sure you feel the thick, paste-like blood of a patriot coursing through your veins like never before. Now that you're feeling invigorated, it's a good time to do things that the less adventurous might find stupid.

Specifically, I'm talking about being dragged by a boat at high speeds through frigid water, your arms flailing like wet noodles and your hands blistering with the strain. But for every adventurer out on the open water, there's five more brave souls watching him and hoping that he gets in a spectacular wreck.

Reggie Pack (Senior Adventurer, 2nd Class) riding a flimsy plank of wood

Some adventurers might think they're too good to ride in the boat, deeming it "too safe." But it's a well-documented fact that there are over 300 boat-related deaths since time began. With that in mind, perch yourself on the back of the boat, effectively putting your life in the hands of someone who probably never achieved the rank of captain and may have never even been in the Navy (I'm looking into it, but the chances are pretty slim).

Now that you've come down off of your high horse and agreed to sit in the boat, watch as the first adventurer climbs out and awkwardly flails around in the water. It may take him a few tries to get going, but eventually he'll be up, slicing through the water like a hot knife through the soft skin of a baby deer (which would probably slice through pretty well).

REMEMBER: Even though the wakeboarder can't hear you, shout encouragement/discouragement anyway, because it feels good to be included.

Reggie, showing off like a jerk

Now it's your turn to ride the waves, fellow adventure!

SUBSTITUTION TIP: Instead of getting out of the boat, where it's cold and decidedly more "drowny," stay on your comfortable seat and claim that you need to take pictures for posterity's sake.

Conclusion: Adventure In Progress! Also, Reggie's display of fancy tricks may just get him demoted for making me look bad.

Join me next time when we make a dutch oven dinner!

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