Dear Mom, Dear Dad,
This is a strawberry-raspberry rhubarb pie (even though it looks like soup with chunks of pie crust floating in it (look forward to next week's Adventure Cuisine (because it's how to make pie soup and pretend that it's what you meant to make)!)). I hope you enjoy it (because it will make up for using all the ingredients (flour, sugar, brown sugar, berries, rhubarb, water (which is the one I feel worst about (what are you going to put out all the fires with (there are so many fires (you may have missed it, being gone all week, but Utah is pretty much completely engulfed in flames)!)?)))).
You will notice, I am sure, two of your thousand or so books missing. The first is a copy of Grandpa Pack's biography (because there were a bunch of them and, if I recall, I think one belongs to each of us (though I could be wrong (but even if I am, I'll pretend I'm not (finders keepers!))) and the second is a copy of The Redoubtable John Pack (that word is ridiculous ("redoubtable," I mean (one definition is "worthy of respect," but another is "causing fear or alarm" (I'm just putting that out there to create some contention among family historians)))). I needed them for a paper I'm writing called, "If This Kid's Great-great-great Grandfather Could see what his Descendant was Writing on Facebook, He Would Disown the Prick" (Mom, please don't smack me in the head next time you see me for using the word "prick" (actually, I guess you'd be well within your rights as a mother (after all, you kind of gave birth to me (apparently that's a tough thing (I believe it))))). It's a tentative title, but I think it has a nice ring to it (I'm terrified that I've already used up my "weird title" quota for the semester (also, the paper is only 750 words or so and I don't think I need to do this much research (but I'll do it anyway))). I will return these books (probably (maybe (no promises (you'll probably want to get them yourself)))) once I am done with them.
Here's hoping (this marks the first and, hopefully, last time I ever use that term) that you had a great trip!
P.S. I watered the garden, the raspberries, and the strawberries. I would have mowed the lawn, but I ran out of time (I didn't (it was really hot out (I started working outside at noon (I guess I could have gotten to the lawn later (it wouldn't have been a big deal (it would have been the least I could do for the aforementioned birthing (not to mention putting up with me for so many years (because that's what "raising" a child seems to be in the end)))))))).
P.P.S. Happy Independence Day (though you're reading this on the seventh)!